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grandma again - here is where i live

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April 13th, 2007


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12:36 pm - grandma again
so news of her death was potentially exaggerated. i'd been expecting to arrive and be visiting a hospitalized corpse, but much to everyone's surprise, she was conscious yesterday and talking a little. instead of having had a stroke, it turns out to have been probably a medication thing that shut her down, so she was off basically everything and on an IV of (from what i heard) sugar water. i don't want to write out the whole visit, but she looked really desiccated and fragile, and seemed to take an immense effort to simply exist. but she was somewhat aware, enough to say "hello daniel" (i have no idea if she knew who i was, but my aunt was yelling my name in her ear) and to kind of look at me with the one eye she could open. so i guess instead of a few days, she now has a few months. or maybe not, we don't really know, but at any rate things seem just a little less dire than they did a couple days ago, and i got to see her again while she is still a person and not just a body.
and after blankly walking around the house like a shade for most of wednesday, i feel real again, for now.

grandma molly lives in my childhood, i realize. as much as she didn't stop existing when i hit highschool, that's not who she is for me. she's the woman who babysat me when i was little, whose house i'd have lunch at on sundays with my mom, who played card games with me even though i couldn't remember all the rules. she gardened and took me for walks with my uncle's dog (i feel the same about my uncle steve). even though she stayed healthy for most of my growing up, and i saw her as often as most of my extended family, and even though she still exists despite her body and mind having left her a foggy ghost of herself, i can't picture her without picturing myself as very small.
np: marty's dog is crying

(13 shots upside the head | en garde!)

Comments:


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From:leyse
Date:April 13th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
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... i missed the original entry for this, i'm thinking. i'm sorry things are sad.
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From:kingnixon
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:17 am (UTC)
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From:(Anonymous)
Date:April 13th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
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that is heartbreakingly sweet.
it makes me miss my nana.
you are very real, dan, and i very feel for you. love, andrea
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:38 am (UTC)
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thank you
[User Picture]
From:columbasimplex
Date:April 13th, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC)
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That sucks. Glad you have a little more time with her.
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From:kingnixon
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:23 am (UTC)
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thanks. it makes me realize sortof what you mustve just gone through with your dad. how hard it must(/will) be to lose someone in your immediate family, that this would pale compared to a parent or my brother. i haven't really had a lot of death in my life
From:aurable
Date:April 13th, 2007 09:22 pm (UTC)
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that was a beautiful last paragraph.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:20 am (UTC)
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thank you
From:lightupyourroom
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
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I know how you feel and it's certainly not pleasant. I guess it's a good thing that you'll have time to prepare and say goodbye, but even that doesn't make it easy.

I'm really sorry about everything. I hate it when my friends are hurting - I just want to hug you, as if somehow that could make everything bad go away.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
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I know how you feel and it's certainly not pleasant. I guess it's a good thing that you'll have time to prepare and say goodbye, but even that doesn't make it easy.

I'm really sorry about everything. I hate it when my friends are hurting - I just want to hug you, as if somehow that could make everything bad go away.
From:lightupyourroom
Date:April 16th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
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whoops.
From:whoinvitedher
Date:April 17th, 2007 04:24 pm (UTC)
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sorry to hear about that Dan. It's good you got to see her. Hope things get better for you and your family
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From:kingnixon
Date:April 20th, 2007 12:59 pm (UTC)
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thanks

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