i fwded this out way back in the day, but was inspired by that_girl
>THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
>5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
>You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book
>Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems,
>a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during
>1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves
>an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame,
>how much does God now love Bob?
>2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep
> a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if
> the sheep was not willing?
> b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing,
> could not be said to mind either?
>3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the
>plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s
>the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian
>coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational
>attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
>Assume a point soul.)
>4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved
>weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of
>alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at
>time t + 10 sec.?
>5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin
>for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and
>it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much,
> a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
> b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so
> damn smug now, is he?
>Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine
>transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
>Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
>Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.