February 28th, 2002


thou art god

went with nastassia to her pagan group tonight..... "the circle".... i guess each week they have a different featured, um, thing. so everyone can get some idea what everyone else does and what's out there and so forth. tonite was channeling. it was very fascinating...

rebecca - who i sorta know from my complex numbers class - channelled some person from another universe or something, then a fairy. even as little as i know her, i could tell her mannerisms changed when she was someone else, and her voice was changed for the 1st person, a little higher and softer. the fairy was all cute and mischevious and smiled like sara. she was the most fun of the 3. she definitely acted a lot different than normally rebecca (again, mannerism-wise. the way she'd move, sit, look at someone, etc), that i've seen[1], so that was interesting. then this guy andy channelled "peace", an aspect of the divine. or something like that. it got rather confusing at that point. peace was fun to talk to, if very frustrating. talked alot like biblical jesus, in that he (she? i think peace was female actually, if an abstract concept can be said to have gender)(this was personal introspective peace, btw, not world peace) never gave a straight answer to anything. as interesting as they can be, in the end it does very little good to talk to someone who converses like a horoscope.
everyone seemed to have a different idea/approach to what they were worshipping. if thats even the word for it. nastassia is into the greek/roman (mostly greek) gods, some girl tehre was all about fairys (she was pretty pumped when rebecca channelled that one, you could tell just looking at her she wanted to follow it (her) home), one guy was a somethingsomething shaman, etc. being the ignorant fellow i am, i asked about how that worked. from what i gather, as long as youre not evil and dont think your way is the only proper way, theyre all for whatever you care to believe or not.the analogy i was given was a facetted lantern, with a different stainglass pattern on each facet. the flame inside is truth, but no one can see it directly (thats another thing, no one believes they have it exactly right. that was something peace stressed, no one can properly grasp infinity. but it doesnt matter), everyone gets it reflected through a different pattern on a different facet.

basically, my impression overall is it's a lot of placebo and selfhypnosis. tho, that is basically my impression of most religions. i dont have a lot of spiritual faith, really.. my approach is that i'm willing to accept anything which can prove itself/be proven. or if not outright proven, at least tangibly demonstrated as likely [2]. science cant even prove a lot of things 100% after all. of coures, since religion can't be proven almost by definition, that isn't the most effective approach. it's the way i work tho

actually tangibly isnt the right word. it doesnt have to be something i can sit there and poke at, but..... hm, i dont know. i dont know

[1] as much as this is as good an indicator as anything, it can't really be read anyway. for example, i've been told i have a distinctive walk. not sure how so, but this is what people tell me. anyway, normally i dont notice my walking, but sometimes for whatever reason i will notice i'm walking - or moving in general - differently than normal

[2] tho, every religion has its share of miracles. so i don't know what would qualify
  • Current Music
    days of the new - two faces

lightning to a lightning bug

this story isn't very good, but i noticed something terribly striking in it. it's about someone attempting suicide adn then changing their mind at the last second.. so her wrist is cut, and she washes the blood off, stitches it up (herself, so no one asks questions). then she meant to say - i assume - that she wrapped her wrist with a bandage so itd look sprained and no one would see the stitches. but instead of typing she wrapped her wrist, she typed that she raped her wrist.

i just sat there for a couple minutes staring at the words

there's power there, it's like rolling dice. this is a word near another word and here's a meaning you didnt expect. this is a layer of something else.
the problem is, i dont know how to use this. this was either a typo or looked like one, and should i try the same thing, it would merely look like a typo. a fortuitous one, perhaps, but all the same that's not what i want. is there a way to intentionally make mistakes so people can tell?



  • Current Music
    Nick Cave - Red Right Hand