February 12th, 2006

zardoz

existential crisis

okay so this all came to the fore due to a dream (and my sleep is another issue, but i'll get to that sometime), but here's fun:

i will not be a leader of the revolution, and this makes me sad. the problem is - and this is going to sound idiotic if not deranged - i no longer believe in the vaguely anarchic social revolution i had been quietly hoping for, and if it comes anyway i no longer see myself as a leader of it. so in a shot, assuming i dont change my mind later, i lose my narcassistic delusions of grandeur and my dreams of a less shitty civilization
i think this means i'm no longer a 14 yr old goth. but anyway.

Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:16:53 PM): is this in reality or in your dream?
Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:17:00 PM): or in reality inspired by the dream?
King Nixon (8:17:51 PM): inspired by
Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:19:48 PM): awww, i didn't know you had delusions of grandeur.
King Nixon (8:21:14 PM): why else be an artist?
Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:22:09 PM): ok, rephrase: i didn't know you aspired to be the leader of a revolution.
Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:22:41 PM): one can be grand without being radical
Narcoleptic Fuzz (8:22:48 PM): or organized
King Nixon (8:25:38 PM): not a 1776 insurgents revolution, but yeah

i don't think anyone i've talked to is taking it as seriously as it deserves, myself included. oh well.
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