so in case any of you ever need to talk to a real(ish) person at capital one, i have found the trick: tell the automated menu that you want to cancel your account, and they immediately transfer you to a person. all i wanted to do was ask about getting my APR lowered! i bounced through all the menu options to no avail and finally told the damn thing i wanted to cancel cuz i was sick of them, and lo a person appeared! i think. it was either a responsive robot or an unresponsive Accounts Professional, but either way she offered to lower my account alllll the way down to like 17%. so i probably will cancel them in a few months and just totally switch over to citi, now that my introductory offer loan thingama is ending and i have to start giving them money anyway.