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January 25th, 2002

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03:09 am - laugh and be merry, ho ho ho, yer drinkin' beer
a nun and a priest are out golfing one day. the priest sets up his shot, brings the club back and swings. he totally misses the ball, it's still sitting there nicely on the tee. the priest yells "shit i missed!"
the nun is shocked. "father, don't use such language!"
the priest apologizes and sets up his shot again. he lines it up, keeps his eye on the ball, brings back the club, swings... and misses again. the ball is sitting there, not even tapped. "shit i missed!"
the nun is again shocked, and yells "father, don't say such things, god will strike you dead where you stand!"
the priest apologizes and goes for one more swing. again he prepares himself, he's totally sure he's going to get it. he swings, he misses. "shit i missed!"
immediately the heavens open up, and a great bolt of lightning shoots down from the sky. it strikes the nun on the top of her head, frying her to a crisp. a great voice booms down from heaven "shit i missed!"
state: tra la la
np: Fleetwood Mac - Tusk[live]

(10 shots upside the head | en garde!)


[User Picture]
Date:January 25th, 2002 12:06 am (UTC)
hee, i remember a joke like that..
[User Picture]
Date:January 25th, 2002 12:18 am (UTC)
i think i fwded it out once
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2002 10:15 pm (UTC)
Hee! I think I posted this in Wundee a couple years ago in the Wundee Joke Thread, but what the hell...

A guy goes into confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned". The priest says, "Well, what do you do, my son?" The guy says, "I swore father. A lot". The priest asks him to explain what happened, and the guy says, "Well, father, I was playing golf the other day. One of the best games of my life. I get up to the eighteenth hole. It's a Par 3. If I hit a birdie, I tie the course record. So I line up and take my tee shot, and not 50 feet down the fairway, the ball hits a power line and drops straight down".

"And that's when you swore?" asked the priest. "No father, because as soon as the ball hit the ground a squirrel ran out onto the fairway and picked the ball up in his mouth and ran off".

"So that's when you cursed..." The man continues, "no, father, because just then an eagle swooped down and picked up the squirrel in its talons and started flying away".

"And that's when you swore?" the priest asks tentatively. "No, father, because as the eagle was flying off, the squirrel dropped the ball, it hit a tree and rolled within six inches of the cup".

The priest is silent for a moment, then sighs and says, "You missed the fucking putt, didn't you..."
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2002 10:48 pm (UTC)
hahaha nice.. i don't remember seeing that in the jokethread tho, maybe you skipped that one
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2002 11:11 pm (UTC)
Okay, one more on the same topic.

The pope has decided to visit a certain church. Upon learning this, the priest calls up the bishop and asks what they should do. The bishop decides that they should prepare a really nice meal, and to make it extra special, he, the priest and the nuns should go on a fishing trip and catch their own fish to serve for dinner.

They go out on the chartered boat with an experienced captain (since none of them have ever fished before), and are soon sitting on deck each with a pole in their hands. After about a half hour, one of the nuns gets a tug on her line. She starts realing it in. One of the other nuns grabs a net and picks the fish up out of the water. The captain of the boat comes over to see what they've caught and exclaims, "Would you look at the size of that sonofabitch?"

One of the nuns looks at him sternly and says, "Please refrain from using such language around us".

The captain stumbles for a minute, but thinks quickly and explains, "No, sister, you see that's the name of the fish. It's called a sonofabitch". The nun is a little skeptical but decides the man wouldn't lie to a nun.

So they take their big sonofabitch back to the church and start preparing the dinner.

The pope arrives just as everything has been placed on the table, and he marvels at the bountiful food before him. "That's quite an impressive fish", he says happily.

One of the nuns smiles broadly and says, "I caught the sonofabitch".

A second nuns comes forward and proudly proclaims, "I netted the sonofabitch".

The priest triumphantly declares, "I cleaned the sonofabitch".

And the bishop declares, "I cooked the sonofabitch".

The pope stares at them blankly for a second, and it suddenly occurs to them that the captain lied to them, there's no way this fish is called a sonofabitch. They wait holding their breaths as the pope calmly sits down, removes his hat, kicks his feet up on the table and says, "You know, you motherfuckers are all right".
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2002 11:20 pm (UTC)

i think i remember that one, but..

[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2002 11:31 pm (UTC)
:) I love swearing priest jokes.
[User Picture]
Date:January 28th, 2002 12:02 am (UTC)
i wanna meet a swearing priest
[User Picture]
Date:January 28th, 2002 12:04 am (UTC)

Father Guido Sarducci?
[User Picture]
Date:January 28th, 2002 03:52 pm (UTC)
hahahaha yes!

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