i know people with problems. they have reasons to be stressed. i dont have shit. i have inconvenient luxuries.
i am absolutely terrified. i'm going to fuck everything up. or already have. or something.
i want to break down. i want to throw a big kickign screaming hysterical crying and be sent home to recuperate fit. and it would feel soooo good, because i am just a big ball of repressed silent sitting here calm and i'm going to post this and read more of abelard and heloise so i can write my paper and i'll go to class and laugh at my friends' bad jokes and come back here and seeth and i can't even punch the walls because the walls here are made of fucking paper and i'd go right thru so i'll just sit here and read people's journals and maybe go online and my computer will crash forty fucking times and it's only a matter of time until it stops working altogether and then i'm just screwed. without my computer i'd just watch tv all day and that's even more lonely. even when i'm with people i'm lonely
shoot me in the head
