Prometheus von Cornsilk (kingnixon) wrote,
Prometheus von Cornsilk

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a loud long silence

i want to do something like this (the making not the collapsing)

i was at "the inn at east hill farm" today. my family has been going there every year since my parents got married. so, 30mumble years. for a week each summer. i used to go up with them for the whole week. i LOVED it there, it was my favorite place in the world. but it steadilly got more and more boring. it's fun for little kids and old folks, but in the middle kinda sucks. so now i just go up 1 day, and they stay the whole week. i was walking around the place today.. every inch of that place, i feel so familiar and home, but at the same time it's sad because i have all these memories of being so happy there and now i'm there and just walking around looking for ANYthing to do. i feel so uncomfortable there now, like i don't fit anymore. growing up is lame.

also, i find farms in general depressing now (the name of the place doesn't lie, it's a resort built on a farm). all those animals standing around apathetically. not that i have any idea what they would be like in the wild (do goats frolic much?), and they aren't in stalls or anything, they have little yards. but it was still unpleasant. not that i'm gonna stop eating them, or anything.

one thing about that place- the same people come back every year, so there's a bunch of people there who've known me since i was fetal. my mom - who is much more concerned about my appearance than i am, i think (she also kept telling me to eat more today: "if you're still hungry, you can get more" "why not have both [desserts]?" etc. i was like, are you trying to fatten me up?) - kept asking me if anyone had said anything about my hair. no one had. finally, she pointed it out to some people. and one guy said i looked like a clown at the circus, "not the big succesful one, the one who didn't make it". what the hell kind of thing is that to say?? and WHY? do i look like a washed up clown? dammit

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