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Excerpted with permission of the author from: THIS is TRUE… - here is where i live

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January 5th, 2003


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03:23 am
Excerpted with permission of the author from:

THIS is TRUE Copyright 2002 by Randy Cassingham
------------------------------------------------------------------------
PEERLESS PALADIN: Leon Humphreys, 60, of Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk,
England, faced a 25-pound (US$40) fine for a minor vehicle offense.
After pleading not guilty, he demanded "the ancient right to trial by
combat," asking the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency to name a
champion to fight him with "samurai swords, Ghurka knives or heavy
hammers." Magistrates refused the offer and fined him 200 pounds
(US$320), plus 100 pounds in court costs. "I was willing to fight a
champion put up by the DVLA, but it would have been a fight to the
death," Humphreys said, adding that would be a "reasonable" way to
settle the matter. (London Telegraph) ...Coming seven nights per week
from BBC Two!

THIS is TRUE is a weekly column featuring bizarre-but-TRUE news with
running commentary. To get it weekly by e-mail for FREE, e-mail
join-this-is-true@lyris.net or see http://www.thisistrue.com
Copyright 2002 by Randy Cassingham, All Rights Reserved.

omfg. remember that pirate thing i linked to the other day?? LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!

i was gonna go see the exies tonight after work. but it turned out the show was 6 bucks, as opposed to the 1 that it was advertised as, because they charge more for minors because they are discriminatory. also, the crowd looked to consist of about 15 drunk 40 yr olds. so i decided it wasnt worth my evening

so i got to work today at 3, and dave was flipping out cuz apparnetly it was the worst day ever and the pumps kept freezing and the computers were crashing and the credit card doohicky broke and he had to reboot everything and it was good times. he was out at 4. in teh hour that we were both there the pumps froze and unfroze like 10 times. the helpdesk managed to fix everything somehow so right when he was leaving it all was suddenly working again. i was disapointed. no gas pumps = no customers = lazy dan.
but on the plus side, i got to work with a dirty old man, which i found to be hilarious. he kept pointing out women to me-- "check out the legs on her!" -- and none of them were even all that impressive. he may as well have been saying "woah, check out how plain she is!" but he was gettin all hot and bothered, so i guess it's a difference in taste. what makes it weird isnt what he says, but how he says it. he's not lewd about it at all, it sounds like he's genuinely happy to be pointing the sexiness out to me. he could be discussing a good golf score he got in the same tone of voice. at one point, he grabs my arm and DRAGS me over to the window to look at some girl in pajama pants bending over to talk to a guy in a car. "she's not wearing any underwear!" i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thanks sketchy guy. actually i just laughed and walked away but now i wish i'd said that. i'm working with him again next week so i'll have my chance

hey vegans--- are your kids gonna drink breast milk?

my cd-r drive is completley fucked now. it cant get up enough speed to spin, it sounds like. it's just like my old discman, it sounds like it's trying to speed up and then dropping back down,a nd then trying again, over and over. so it's this constant revving except it's super low speed, so it's more like a heightened putting

(9 shots upside the head | en garde!)

Comments:


From:ex_gleam379
Date:January 5th, 2003 06:36 pm (UTC)
(Link)
YOU'RE a heightened putting.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:January 6th, 2003 01:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
so's your face!
From:ex_gleam379
Date:January 6th, 2003 09:33 am (UTC)
(Link)
so's your MOTHER.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:January 6th, 2003 10:55 am (UTC)
(Link)
so's your balls!!
From:ex_gleam379
Date:January 9th, 2003 08:32 am (UTC)
(Link)
so's your vagina!
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:January 10th, 2003 10:27 pm (UTC)
(Link)
so's your xtitsx!
From:ex_gleam379
Date:January 11th, 2003 06:19 am (UTC)
(Link)
hahahahaha.

x<3x for xtitsx
[User Picture]
From:bleedingmustard
Date:January 6th, 2003 12:38 am (UTC)
(Link)
that question about breast milk was entirely too amusing.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:January 6th, 2003 01:18 am (UTC)
(Link)
that was a completley serious question. i'm curious.

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