Prometheus von Cornsilk (kingnixon) wrote,
Prometheus von Cornsilk
kingnixon

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fallacy

i don't understand my laziness. such simple things, many that i outright WANT to do, and they never happen. i'd rather sit around and accomplish nothing and wander the dorm then call someone i havent talked to in entirely too long, or read a book i'm 90% finished, or put a fucking sheet on my bed so i'm not sleeping only on the pad thing over the mattress. etc. etc. i don't understand why i (don't) do these things
did i mention it's almost 6am and i havent started my paper yet?

i'll tell you what doesn't help though. a small pile of years ago, i was rather depressed, and thinkign about my life. my life then, as now, was for the most part quite good. i have good friends, caring family, no money troubles to speak of, health, doing pretty well in school, etc. but, i thought, i am depressed so somethign must be wrong. what is missing from my life? my mind skipped over any internal problems and settled on the one big external lack: a girlfriend. hey, it told me, that's what youre missing! taht's what you need to be happy!
i believed this for awihle, until i realized it was more to do with me than my life. but all teh same, i still in some ways blamed that lack. i figured (and this was also my dad's theory) i wasn't motivated because i had nothing particular to work towards/for. after all, why should i do homework, or clean my room, or shave? i don't get much from it, and who would care? so now ive found someone who cares and who i care about, and how motivated am i?
it's 6am and i haven't started my paper yet

oh well, guess it's something more in me that needs fixing. i don't know what to do with anything
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