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March 3rd, 2003

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06:15 am - fallacy
i don't understand my laziness. such simple things, many that i outright WANT to do, and they never happen. i'd rather sit around and accomplish nothing and wander the dorm then call someone i havent talked to in entirely too long, or read a book i'm 90% finished, or put a fucking sheet on my bed so i'm not sleeping only on the pad thing over the mattress. etc. etc. i don't understand why i (don't) do these things
did i mention it's almost 6am and i havent started my paper yet?

i'll tell you what doesn't help though. a small pile of years ago, i was rather depressed, and thinkign about my life. my life then, as now, was for the most part quite good. i have good friends, caring family, no money troubles to speak of, health, doing pretty well in school, etc. but, i thought, i am depressed so somethign must be wrong. what is missing from my life? my mind skipped over any internal problems and settled on the one big external lack: a girlfriend. hey, it told me, that's what youre missing! taht's what you need to be happy!
i believed this for awihle, until i realized it was more to do with me than my life. but all teh same, i still in some ways blamed that lack. i figured (and this was also my dad's theory) i wasn't motivated because i had nothing particular to work towards/for. after all, why should i do homework, or clean my room, or shave? i don't get much from it, and who would care? so now ive found someone who cares and who i care about, and how motivated am i?
it's 6am and i haven't started my paper yet

oh well, guess it's something more in me that needs fixing. i don't know what to do with anything
state: sucks
np: Queens Of The Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf - 11 - God Is In The Radio

(1 shot upside the head | en garde!)


Date:March 3rd, 2003 04:54 am (UTC)
i don't get much from it, and who would care? so now ive found someone who cares and who i care about, and how motivated am i?

well the work thing is probably due to the fact that we unmotivated ourselves so much to do work that we just stopped all together and now it's hard getting back on the ol' wagon. even though we both procrastinated ridiculous amounts before, i sense it's gotten way worse since we've met.

plus, you don't shave cause you're lazy and you enjoy making me fuckin hurt! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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