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June 19th, 2001


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05:33 pm - theological engineering exam
i fwded this out way back in the day, but was inspired by that_girl to repost.

>THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
>5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
>
>You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book
>of
>Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems,
>assume
>a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during
>the
>exam.
>
>1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves
>each
>an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame,
>how much does God now love Bob?
>
>2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep
>S.
>
> a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if
> the sheep was not willing?
>
> b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing,
> could not be said to mind either?
>
>3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the
>xy
>plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s
>in
>the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian
>coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational
>Enlightenment
>attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
>(Hint:
>Assume a point soul.)
>
>4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved
>human
>weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of
>an
>alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at
>time t + 10 sec.?
>
>5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin
>level
>for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and
>enjoys
>it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much,
>everything.
>
> a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
>
> b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so
> damn smug now, is he?
>
>Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine
>undergo
>transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
>Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
>
>Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
state: amusedamused
np: staind - the funeral

(2 shots upside the head | en garde!)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:feste
Date:June 20th, 2001 01:04 am (UTC)
(Link)
LOL!! RFLMAO!!! That is oh so very funny indeed!

"Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon" rates as one of the funniest things I have ever read. The double meaning of the two adjectives makes a horrendously ironic pun!
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:June 20th, 2001 12:00 pm (UTC)
(Link)
teehee. my favorite part is "assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D".
i get the pun in massless, but frictionless?

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