the history of this glorious day (which is totally nonsensical and pointless), which me, kate, andy, tutes, and probably other people worked out and then i wrote down, and which was worked out about a year and a half ago and i just found it:
step 1: i will open the broadway musical "cats cats cats!" (its motto: three times the cats!), it will be starring minicows (cows the size of dogs, which are marketed as pets. since they are smaller than normal cows, they are denser as well. their milk is also denser, so instead of coming out milk it comes out cheese*) dressed in unconvincing cat costumes. for the grand finale, they will squirt their easy-cheeze-esque udders into the audience, who were given crackers when they came in. this production will be very succesful and profitable. with the money from this and kate's hookering (5 cents a pop) she will drive ny out of business and take over. all streetlights will be strobes and every so often we'll go over the loudspeakers and announce "step 9!" which means everyone has to stop whatever theyre doing and dance.we made a christmukazaa tree in kate/shellie's room. it has nice things on it like pumpkins and apples and flaming beer and things that would be squirrels if i had any idea how to draw a squirrel that didn't look like a mutant space weasel.
with the commercialization of the world furthered to this extent, we will create a new holiday: christmukazaa (christmas hanukah kwanzaa). 8 days of presents, african music, and now squirrels. also this will be the only day of the year when papa kentarbyhutbell (john unknowingly contributed too!) will be open for business. they serve one food: everything you can possibly jam into one burger. it comes out the same way it goes in.
step 3: profit. and world domination.
step 9: dance!
also, this year the mansion celebrated jewmas, which basically involves presents, arts and crafts, and goodtimes. new holidays are fun!
*go cheese the minicow! UNH, MOO!!