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December 26th, 2003


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02:46 am - ps


the history of this glorious day (which is totally nonsensical and pointless), which me, kate, andy, tutes, and probably other people worked out and then i wrote down, and which was worked out about a year and a half ago and i just found it:
step 1: i will open the broadway musical "cats cats cats!" (its motto: three times the cats!), it will be starring minicows (cows the size of dogs, which are marketed as pets. since they are smaller than normal cows, they are denser as well. their milk is also denser, so instead of coming out milk it comes out cheese*) dressed in unconvincing cat costumes. for the grand finale, they will squirt their easy-cheeze-esque udders into the audience, who were given crackers when they came in. this production will be very succesful and profitable. with the money from this and kate's hookering (5 cents a pop) she will drive ny out of business and take over. all streetlights will be strobes and every so often we'll go over the loudspeakers and announce "step 9!" which means everyone has to stop whatever theyre doing and dance.
with the commercialization of the world furthered to this extent, we will create a new holiday: christmukazaa (christmas hanukah kwanzaa). 8 days of presents, african music, and now squirrels. also this will be the only day of the year when papa kentarbyhutbell (john unknowingly contributed too!) will be open for business. they serve one food: everything you can possibly jam into one burger. it comes out the same way it goes in.
step 2:
step 3: profit. and world domination.
step 9: dance!
we made a christmukazaa tree in kate/shellie's room. it has nice things on it like pumpkins and apples and flaming beer and things that would be squirrels if i had any idea how to draw a squirrel that didn't look like a mutant space weasel.
also, this year the mansion celebrated jewmas, which basically involves presents, arts and crafts, and goodtimes. new holidays are fun!

*go cheese the minicow! UNH, MOO!!
np: Static X - Wisconsin Death Trip - 07 - Stem

(31 shots upside the head | en garde!)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:crawl27
Date:December 26th, 2003 05:54 am (UTC)
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oh but we have no squirrels in australia!
[User Picture]
From:corsac
Date:December 26th, 2003 07:28 am (UTC)
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Import them! You're already replacing your native wildlife with NORMAL animals like rabbits and foxes, why not squirrels too?
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 26th, 2003 10:51 am (UTC)
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why would they want normalcy? weird stuff is way cooler. i wish i had kangaroos bouncing around my backyard
[User Picture]
From:corsac
Date:December 26th, 2003 04:28 pm (UTC)
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Pretty soon it would seem normal to you. To someone who's never seen squirrels, maybe they seem exotic like kangaroos.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 26th, 2003 05:10 pm (UTC)
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if i was in the total australian type environment, it might start to seem normal. but i think kangaroos in new hampshire where they are blatantly not supposed to be would never fit in very well
[User Picture]
From:crawl27
Date:December 26th, 2003 04:19 pm (UTC)
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they need to i think. i need the squirrels.

i was told that in canada you can get pet squirrels. i'm not sure if someone was just teasing me but i want a pet squirrel!
[User Picture]
From:danoot
Date:December 27th, 2003 12:56 am (UTC)
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Here in auswegia, where I think you are also, you can have them as pets, too. At a pet store not far from here (sydney's north west), you can buy a breeding pair of Indian Palm Squirrels for $800. They're pretty cute, much cuter than your typical 'merkan park squirrel, but yes, expensive.
[User Picture]
From:crawl27
Date:December 27th, 2003 03:43 am (UTC)
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awesome. now where would they sell them in queensland?
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 27th, 2003 10:06 am (UTC)
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i dunno, man, the normal free variety of squirrel that we have over here is pretty cute already
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 26th, 2003 11:01 am (UTC)
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HEATHENS!
[User Picture]
From:crawl27
Date:December 26th, 2003 04:22 pm (UTC)
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but i want the squirrels. they're on my list of things i long to see. along with mooses.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 26th, 2003 05:09 pm (UTC)
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you know what's sad? even though i've lived my whole life in nh, i have never seen a real-life up close moose
[User Picture]
From:crawl27
Date:December 26th, 2003 06:54 pm (UTC)
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well you're gonna have to go find one now aren't you?
[User Picture]
From:tygr28
Date:December 26th, 2003 01:04 pm (UTC)
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omg that maybe laugh so hard!! i totally forgot 99% of the origin of our fine holiday. which, i suppose, truly makes it a holiday. if i was on my school comp i'd totally send you the picture of our xmakuzaa tree for you to post. but alas...
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 26th, 2003 01:23 pm (UTC)
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hhahahaha i like that- it's not truly a holiday until people forget why it's there.
i wish i'd taken pictures of our tree, i had my camera with me but i forgot (like your pirate party). but yeah, when you get back you shall send pictures and i'll update

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