Put an X next to things that apply to you, a + next to things that sometimes apply to you and a - by the things that don't apply to you at all.
[+]Frequently wears black clothing.
[+]Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
[-]Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick, or nailpolish.
[-]Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
[-]Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
[X]Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the Anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
[X]Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
[X]Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. [that is a wonderful list. jesus, jesus, jesus, FOOTBALL]
[-]Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. [does zombie movies count?]
[+]Takes drugs. [pot occasionally. though it's been quite awhile]
[+]Is suicidal and/or depressed. [no suicide for dan]
[-]Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center. [as rob~ said, at least they give one piece of good advice. though it's news to me that people who hurt themselves are doing it to detract from the light of god]
[+]Complains of boredom. [AHAHAHAHAHAHAH because only goth people are ever bored. duh]
[X]Sleeps too excessively or too little. [..or ever tired]
[X]Is excessively awake during the night.
[-]Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use. [i think it's more to do with vampires promoting themselves not dying, actually]
[-]Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
[+]Spends large amounts of time alone.
[-]Requests time alone and quietness. This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation. [as opposed to prayer, which requires being in a large screaming crowd apparently]
[X]Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
[X]Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
[-]Misbehaves at school.
[+]Misbehaves at home.
[+]Eats excessively or too little.
[-]Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. [HAHAHAHAHAH count chocula is satan. i love it. sadly i don't think i eat any ungodly foods. oh wait, dark chocolate! everyone knows the devil prefers darkness. and orange juice with pulp. everyone knows the devil prefers pulp.]
[-]Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood
[X]Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.
[+]Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. [haha role-playing nature. "i'm a tree!"]
[X]Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. [i believe they mean infernonet]
[-]Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
[-]Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. [i would if i could dance]
[X]Expresses an interest in sex. [with jesus?]
[-]Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
[-]Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism [i'm glad someone has finally exposed the dangerous cult of philosophy. they must be stopped, before any more babies are sacrificed to the great god plato.]
[-]Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "Woe is me", or "I'm a goth". [but ONLY those various phrases. no others are acceptable]
[-]Claims to be a goth. [i like that if you do this one, but not four others, you don't qualify. would that make you a wannabe goth?]
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
so, in conclusion, i got 10 X's and 10 +'s. i am the gothest motherfucker around.
special bonus link: goth music for dummies. scroll down to the DEAD DEAD GOOD: ESSENTIAL GOTH RECORDS section, and read the descriptions; they're great. "The traditional Goth anthem usually revolves around a weighty agenda like bats, or how frightening shadows are in a gloomy part of Berlin."