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December 28th, 2004

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11:08 am - everything is broken
things that have failed recently:
* hermit crabs not dying. the hermit crabs come with a 30 day warranty, like toasters. i brought claude's corpse in (aparently they mail the dead crabs to the parent company to get refunded for them) after work yesterday, and got a new one. the new one was dead by teh time i got home. wtf? this can't be my fault, all i did was drive home
* new glass tank lid not cracking in the middle of the night inexplicably
* new tank heater actually heating the tank
* democracy
* everyone's good taste in liking poltergeist. i watched it last night, with lauri. that movie suuuuuuuuuucked. seriously, why does this movie have such a good reputation? i've seen scarier episodes of tales from the crypt. i woulda thought the happy family parts were making fun of spielburg movies, but he produced and wrote this thing, so basically tobe hooper tried to do spielburg and failed horribly. then the crazy shit started happening WAY too fast, and everyone reacted incredibly unconvincingly (the one good scene in the entire movie, i think, was when craig t nelson [i hate that guy] gets home and his wife shows him the chair trick. how they responded so oppositely to that was good), and that freaking psychic midgit lady, what was the point of her? hell, what was the point of the whole middle of the movie? seriously, she shows up and expositions all over them, leads a very unspectacular rescue of the daughter, intones this house is clean! and goes home. then the house eats everyone. and what was up with the big evil beast monster ghost thing? that was never even vaguely a) explained b) confronted c) defeated d) circumvented. it shows up twice, growls a lot, and that's pretty much all. i have to say, though, the end fascinated me. they just LEFT. there was no attempt at a conclusion or anything: the house swallowed itself, the ghosts were running around, crazy lights everywhere, skeletons rolling around, neighbors figuring out that hey maybe something mildly odd is afoot, so what do the heros do? THEY GO STAY AT A MOTEL. i can't think of a single other movie that ends by everyone just giving up and going away
* my car -- so last night, i'm driving home from lauri's, going along just fine, when allofasudden the engine gets SO loud and the car starts shaking. it sounded like a motorcycle gang was driving around in the engine. so i pull over. as soon as i go into neutral the engine noise goes away, but now i can hear this crazy rattling, like there's a bunch of mexican jumping beans screws that got loose in there. i get out and shine my flashlight under the car, but don't see anything amiss because i don't know anything about cars. seriously unless there was a big neon sign saying YOUR ENGINE FELL OUT i wouldn't know what was wrong. the car is idling this whole time, by the way. i don't want to turn it off because what if it won't turn back on? i've got AAA but it was 4am in the middle of nowhere, what could they have done anyway if i called? tow me somewhere that's closed til 9? so i drive the rest of the way home, very carefully. jen says from my description, it sounds like the car lost a rod or something and is pretty much fucked. sweeeeet.
* me at leaving messages. i just left the stupidest message at the car place, asking someone to call back with when i could bring it in. anyone who has heard a voice message i have left knows what i'm talking about.
* me at scheduling. the guy just called back and i am set to bring my car in tomorrow at 2. so now i'm doublebooked tomorrow evening AND will probably have no car. neat!
* jen's cell. i called it last night when i got home, to let her know i had no way to get to work this morning. it was not living. so i decided oh well and went to bed. called the store this morning, and they managed to find someone else to come in yay, and jen gave me her new cell # which i guess she forgot to do previous, or i'm stupid and forgot it. either way.

at least spam isn't letting me down. last night i got one from DanBotulism, and today one with teh subject of "Experience the 3 foot squirting dan! (today)". wow
state: cynicalcynical
np: chevelle - vitamin r

(7 shots upside the head | en garde!)


[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 06:43 pm (UTC)
Don't you have hermit crabs you can kidnap from the beach out on the east coast?
[User Picture]
Date:January 9th, 2005 04:13 am (UTC)
hermit crabs are tropical. if any of them have found their way up to a new hampshire beach, they are fuuuuuuuucked
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 08:31 pm (UTC)
when i read spam i totally thought of the canned "meat" product and i was like ewww dan's making gross sandwiches again, but danbotulism is totally better than canned "meat".
[User Picture]
Date:January 9th, 2005 04:15 am (UTC)
i dunno julie, i'm pretty sure i would rather have spam than botulism. (sidenote: i was looking up garlic online the other day and accidentally found out how to make botulism. oh the internet)
[User Picture]
Date:December 29th, 2004 05:10 am (UTC)
. i can't think of a single other movie that ends by everyone just giving up and going away

Amittyville Horror. *nod* not a bad movie, certainly better than Poltergeist. (no, I don't like it either, so woohoo for us.)

my dad recently had a car that blew a rod, so from what you said, that may be the problem (his wouldn't start up again)...but hopefully Jen & I are both wrong.
[User Picture]
Date:January 9th, 2005 04:23 am (UTC)
i never saw amityville horror[1]. i read the book though[2], and you are indeed right, so good call there.

turns out it was just the exhaust and muffler being sucky. cost 400 fucking dollars to fix, but it only took an hour

[1] which apparently they are remaking
[2] which, if you're wondering about the book's quality, i remember primarily for having interesting typos
[User Picture]
Date:January 10th, 2005 02:38 am (UTC)
400 dollars and an hour is way better than the suggested culprit. you dodged that bullet well.

I'm a bit sketchy about a remake of Amityville. if it ain't broke, why re-film it? ah well...apparently I'm just not hollywood material.

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