Prometheus von Cornsilk (kingnixon) wrote,
Prometheus von Cornsilk

  • Mood:
  • Music:

boombastic romantic fantastic

so okay, i am listening to shaggy tonight (shut up, shaggy rules!), and i have noticed - not for the first time either, mind you - that his lyrics are ridiculous. so here i give you all a sectional analysis of "hey love" off of his "hot shot" album, which i burned a copy of from lauri's brother years ago on a whim and never listened to until tonight. turns out it's pretty good, go figure. but anyway!

Hey Love Can I get a rain check
just 25, I'm not ready yet
Hey Love, let's make a deal
Give me some time I got a few hearts to steal
Hey love, got more grounds to gain
Can't get stuck with a ball and a chain
Hey love, I need to be sure
Come back and see me in two years or more
[this was the chorus, by the way]

yeah, good luck dude. i really don't see his lady love accepting this deal, somehow. and what the hell kind of deal is that anyway? "okay, so here's what we're going to do, my love: you go away for two years so i can bang a bunch of sluts. maybe join a convent? i hear they're nice. but anyway, the important thing is you go away, and then come back in a few years when i'm less horny and we can get married". and i really like the 'two years or more' part. like she's gonna be checking in every few years to see if he's run out of models yet

I remember as a kid I used to dream
I had a big crush on Sandra's kid sister Jean
But she was in love with Dwayne
Been so many years but I still feel the pain
What about the Girl across the street
Took the same bus I use to reserve her seat
But she would just sit with her friends
And the all talk about guys in Bimmers and Benz

isn't this a good charlotte song?

Seem like my luck took a slide
Then shorty came along and stood by my side
I couldn't give her much but she stayed
Now I'm hitting all the Charts its so easy getting laid
Living in style I'm getting paid
Hooking up my peeps with the millions I've made
Now I'm having girl who I knew in first grade
Now I'm kinda feeling like my shorty getting played
so I'm begging you

now, at this point in a normal song[1], he would say something to the effect of "oh girl, i'm sorry i wasn't faithful, i got carried away by those devil hormones, but now i have seen the errors of my ways and wish to be with only you, so please forgive me so that we can make sweet monogamous love upon a satin marital bed". or if it was nelly, he would say something to the effect of "fuck off, bitch, i'm busy banging models now". but this is shaggy, so instead he repeats the chorus.

I wasn't popular in school I wasn't popular in sports
All the girls I love loved the guys on the court
I feel like I been cheated of my youth
Cause back in the days braces weren't so cute
Girls used to laugh at my suit
Now I got models in bed knocking boots

isn't this a korn song?

[chorus and first verse and chorus again]

maybe by this point, the deal is sounding better, i don't know. if it didn't work, i imagine he wouldn't have written the song about it. all i can say is, if he were singing this song to me, he would have to be REALLY fuckin boombastic to not get a brick to the crotch.

[1] ie, a song not by the dude who wrote "it wasn't me", where he gives the greatest advice i have ever recieved- what do you do if your girlfriend catches you banging your neighbor? say it wasn't you! and if she doesn't believe you because she has the whole thing on camera? tell her you're gay! i'm still not clear on how telling her you're gay is supposed to solve anything, but i suppose that's why i am not shaggy. i imagine the conversation going something like this..

lady: shaggy, fbi spy satalites recorded video, audio, and dna verification of you having sex with my little sister, my mother, my roommate, my best friend, and my female housepets. now entering dumpedville, population you.
shaggy: i'm gay!
lady: i forgive you. put your dick in me.

the end. now i have to go listen to slint or low or something to try and earn back my indie rock scene points.
Tags: amusement, music, quote

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment