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December 1st, 2005


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03:40 am - dead baby jokes
i stole all these from wiki, because i can. except for the ones i editted to make them less stupid. those i stole from myself.

Q: What's worse than half a dead baby and a pie?
A: Half a dead baby and half a pie.

Q: What's twelve inches long, stiff as a board, and keeps a housewife up all night screaming?
A: Crib death.

Q: What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic baby get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
Q: What else?
A: A pony.

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit on Halloween?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit on Mother's day!

Q: Can you teach a dead baby new tricks?
A: Yes, it can now play dead.

Q: What do you get if you cross a dead baby with a donkey?
A: Dead babies can't be impregnated. :(

Q: What do you call a baby shot out of a cannon, over a tall cliff and bearing down onto some ridiculously large, jagged rocks, the tips of which are the only things that can be seen in the darkness that seems to go on forever?
A: Dead.

So, a woman and her husband are sitting at home watching the news one night when suddenly the woman's water breaks. Her husband instantly gets her in the car and speeds to the nearest hospital. Once there, she is rushed into the maternity ward, and he is told that he must stay outside. He tells them that he needs to be there to console his wife, but they still won't allow him in. So he paces for 2 hours, while he hears sounds of pain from the enclosed room. Finally, the nurse tells him that he can enter. He bursts in the door as the doctor takes the baby out through another, and he rushes to his wife. She smiles weakly, and says "It's a beautiful girl, just like we always wanted." He smiles and gently strokes her brow. Then, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms. Just as he reaches out to give it to the woman, he snatches it away and bashes it against a wall. Then he picks it up, beats it against the counter a couple of times, punches it in the head, and then drop-kicks it out the window. The young couple is speechless. As the woman softly begins to whimper, the doctor smiles and says, "April Fools, it was already dead!"

that's all.

(19 shots upside the head | en garde!)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:scumm_boy
Date:December 1st, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
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Q. Whats worse than 10 dead babys in a wheelbarrow?
A. 1 dead baby in 10 wheelbarrows.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC)
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Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan?
A: A trashcan in a dead baby.
[User Picture]
From:scumm_boy
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC)
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Q: Whats worse then a regular dead baby?
A: an inside-out dead baby.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:December 1st, 2005 02:01 pm (UTC)

Bad Jokes

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Dear Daniel,

Those are sick. You have truly reached a new low, but I still love you, anyway.

Mom
[User Picture]
From:feste
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC)

Re: Bad Jokes

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If you have ever wanted an excuse to disown him, here it is! Act now, supplies are limited!
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)

Re: Bad Jokes

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did you ever hear my monk joke? family friendly!
[User Picture]
From:thesnark
Date:December 1st, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)

Re: Bad Jokes

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You really do want to be disowned, don't you?
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Bad Jokes

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i'm merely providing opportunities.
[User Picture]
From:ninjer
Date:December 1st, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
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Via mazui:

What's the difference between a golden delicious apple and a dead baby?

I don't cum all over a golden delicious apple before taking a bite out of it.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC)

Disgusting

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Randomly came across this post and I was disgusted by it. I am sincerely hoping that you were totally joking but I can't help but wonder what kind of sick freak could post stuff like this?

And the golden delicious apple one by your friend - that's even more f*cked up!
[User Picture]
From:ninjer
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:18 pm (UTC)

You're Hot

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Well I would think the fact that they are "dead baby jokes" would indicate a general atmosphere of joking, but there is a distinct possibility that I am wildly misinformed.

And yes, the golden delicious apple one is fucked up . . . fucked up awesome! HIGH FIVE!
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC)

Re: You're Hot

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next time: dead baby seriouses.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:46 pm (UTC)

Re: Disgusting

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okay you win. this comment was funnier than my jokes.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 1st, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
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i can't top that one. bastard.
[User Picture]
From:melley
Date:December 1st, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
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azriel_abyss made a girl in high school cry with dead baby jokes.

me, my dad was telling me these when i was fourteen. when my mom wasn't listening.
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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yay your dad!
[User Picture]
From:mathfu
Date:December 2nd, 2005 12:17 am (UTC)
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:(:(

ps I listened to your monk joke (so looooong)! also :(:(
[User Picture]
From:kingnixon
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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i learned a new ending for the monk joke, the other day. i could tell it again, with the new ending. want to hear it again?
[User Picture]
From:mathfu
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:36 pm (UTC)
(Link)
um omg I will not listen to another 12 minutes of that.

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