Q: What's worse than half a dead baby and a pie?
A: Half a dead baby and half a pie.
Q: What's twelve inches long, stiff as a board, and keeps a housewife up all night screaming?
A: Crib death.
Q: What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic baby get for Christmas?
Q: What else?
A: A pony.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit on Halloween?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit on Mother's day!
Q: Can you teach a dead baby new tricks?
A: Yes, it can now play dead.
Q: What do you get if you cross a dead baby with a donkey?
A: Dead babies can't be impregnated. :(
Q: What do you call a baby shot out of a cannon, over a tall cliff and bearing down onto some ridiculously large, jagged rocks, the tips of which are the only things that can be seen in the darkness that seems to go on forever?
So, a woman and her husband are sitting at home watching the news one night when suddenly the woman's water breaks. Her husband instantly gets her in the car and speeds to the nearest hospital. Once there, she is rushed into the maternity ward, and he is told that he must stay outside. He tells them that he needs to be there to console his wife, but they still won't allow him in. So he paces for 2 hours, while he hears sounds of pain from the enclosed room. Finally, the nurse tells him that he can enter. He bursts in the door as the doctor takes the baby out through another, and he rushes to his wife. She smiles weakly, and says "It's a beautiful girl, just like we always wanted." He smiles and gently strokes her brow. Then, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms. Just as he reaches out to give it to the woman, he snatches it away and bashes it against a wall. Then he picks it up, beats it against the counter a couple of times, punches it in the head, and then drop-kicks it out the window. The young couple is speechless. As the woman softly begins to whimper, the doctor smiles and says, "April Fools, it was already dead!"