“Hey everyone(?)...so, I'm driving to my paper route, and I just saw the weirdest damn thing. There was this guy who's kind of...well, okay, I'm driving along and I see a big van- kind of in the middle of the road and the door is wide open (like the front driver door, not the little slidey door on the side), and I don't know what the hell it's doing....it's just kinda slowly moving along, and I get closer and I can see that there's, like, this big guy driving it, and he's got his one leg out the open door, and sort of paddling the ground with his foot....and near as I can tell it's the only thing moving the van, because it didn't seem to be running at all. I mean, the lights were on, so it couldn't have been, like, totally dead...I guess...something with the engine? I don't even know. But....so, I put down my window to see if he's okay, and before I can get out more than like, "Hey, arrr," he says, "argakjhdaiushga!" and waves me off...and I'm like, "rasdhfasdjfh maskdjhfiahd!" (something else I don't understand), and I just kinda drove away 'cause it was freaky. But, I don't know what the crap was happening...I didn't see anyone behind the van, or, like, anyone else around it, and, I've had occasion(?), a few times to help, you know, to push cars that were broken down, and...those fuckers are heavy! Wheels or no...they...and, this dude was just kind of coasting his van along with one foot sticking out the window, and I was entirely baffled by how he managed such a feat of majestic strength. I thought that I'd share that with you all. And now I have. The end! Goodbye.”
