Prometheus von Cornsilk (kingnixon) wrote,
Prometheus von Cornsilk
kingnixon

  • Mood:
  • Music:

petrarch ruined it for everyone

i had a conversation with lauri today, which i will glibly summarize as: she is too cynical and i am too naive. but the part i want to talk about is something she said that i have thought about before -- that i treat people differently when i like them romantically. say i am friends with some nice lady, and say i develop a crush on her. i will suddenly be much nicer and more attentive. then i get over her and things go back to normal. which i suppose as manipulation goes isn't terrible, and i think fairly normal, but it is disingenuous, which bothers me. and from the other person's perspective, it is probably confusing and/or annoying.
so why not just stop? i have tried to stop my passive aggressive tendencies, with i think good success overall. but the problem here is i can't feel when i'm doing it. it's not as if i suddenly think okay, time to seduce her through kindness! (which, i will also note, does not seem to work), i'm just acting how i feel i should, in the same way that i assume regulates how i act to everyone else in the world. it's genuine (which maybe means it isn't so disingenuous, just a change in feeling? i'm not sure). how often do you give any conscious thought to 'how nice should i be to this person?' so even when i know i'm doing it, what should i do instead? be a little meaner? i can't tell how i 'should' be acting, or how close to someone i 'would' feel, so i couldn't make the adjustment if i wanted to. which, honestly, i'm not sure i do.

on an i suppose related tack, there's not much worse than someone you love crying.

[i tried putting this link in the music thing, but that didn't work properly. so you should all go listen to this song]
Subscribe

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments