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June 6th, 2009

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09:42 am - continuance
"a man has only one escape from his old self: to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes." -clare boothe luce

i want to skip the summer; i am ready for boston now. there is nothing holding me here. there are people i care about, but no one i'm close to (which makes me sad because there are plenty of people i WAS close to). and i am all coop-ed out.
i wish i was passionate about manageable things like career and location. i am excited about law school because it's something to be excited over and it's nice to have direction finally, but the excitement's not deep. i want it but i don't WANT it. i WANT a family. i will be a stay at home dad. i want things i don't know how to get: i am bad at love, and i don't know why. pills make me less miserable but not less weird. i give up on therapy (again) as not helpful to me. basically, my life method is to just wait until something works naturally, because i don't know how to do anything else. but this is slow and frustrating and for all i know won't ever work any better than it is.

in other exciting news, i have been offbalance lately. i'll be walking (or just standing!) and randomly almost topple over. dunno!

(apparently livejournal has a limit on subjectline length now? that's stupid)
np: Matthew Good - Hospital Music - 04 - 99% of Us Is Failure

(1 shot upside the head | en garde!)


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:June 8th, 2009 12:48 am (UTC)
i miss you too. hanging out sounds dreamy- did you see i am car-ed again? so our options are many. good luck on the LSATs! you will kick its ass!

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