Prometheus von Cornsilk (kingnixon) wrote,
Prometheus von Cornsilk

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i've been thinking about this a lot lately. what sort of friend i am.
things with lauri lately have been.. um.. subpar, shall we say. i've mentioned it here and there, it's been in her journal a fair bit, for thsoe of you who know her. and she mentioned talking to john about it, because he's had experience with being in a mucked up friendship with me.
i get.. i dont know.. un-used to people. i think i'm a good casual friend.. like, someone i hang out with on a sorta regular basis, we're prtty good friends but not real close, i do pretty well for myself. at some point, if we go over a certain threshold of closeness, or what have you, i'll get infatuated with them for awhile (not romantically/sexually[1], mind you. they just become extremely interesting and good, to me), and more actively try to interact with them. i dont know if i act differently or not, if i do it's not intentionally or, um, aware-of-it-ly (uhh?).
but anyway.
at some point, the infatuation wears off and theyre just them again (not that that's a bad thing to be. i'm just saying..), and little random things they do that i overlooked or was amused by or somethign before suddenly become annoying. not very annoying, maybe, just slightly irritating. but, maybe thru overexposure, it gets more annoying.

and i've just realized this is bullshit.

have you ever done this? - thinking about whatever, something about yourself, and you think of something that makes sense and explains what you do/how you feel/whatever. and it seems to fit, seems to work. so yeah, THAT's why! of course! and then you relize that, sensible tho it may be, it's nothing to do with how you actually feel.
so that was all wrong. i still don't know. and i didn't really get far enough into this entry to even fully get the main point out, so it's probly pretty useless to read anyway. good for me.

[1] despite this entry being invalidated, i'll write the footnote anyway... there are a fair number of girls that i suspect i'm friends with only because i was initially romantically/sexually interested in them, and made an effort to get closer to them (because of course i coudlnt just ask them out or anything. anyway). at such point as the interest is gone, i'd drop from the high end i was at, to being as much freind to them as they are to me (not an intentional "i'll only give to you what you give to me" thing, just no inclination to shove it). sometimes this is still good friends. somtimes not so much. kinda sucks discovering you're only freinds w/ someone because you make it so [2]

[2] heh, i cant use that phrase without thinking of startrek. /me is lame

this all didnt go nearly as deep as i was hoping it would. thats disapointing. no big discoveries today. [checks watch]

so yeah, i've been thinking about stuff like that a fair amount lately. i was supposed to be cleaning my room tonite, never happened. big shock. work was disgustingly busy tonite, mostly beceause of powerball. someone really needs to win that, so 938538593483589358393598 people don't feel the need to buy a ticket from us every day (or every hour, as some people seem to do. ah, state-sponsored addictions. maybe the govt will start selling heroin too, thatd be good (i was going to say, maybe the govt will start selling alcohol, but they already do that[3]. doh)

[3] i was wondering about this - what is the point of 'official' state alcohol stores? are they better? cheaper? better/worse in any way?

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