0:01 is this celine dion already? dammit. fuck off, celine dion. and who's enabling this, james horner? you fuck off too. on the plus side, hats used to be so awesome. let's bring back awesome hats.
0:02 wait is this the abyss? am i watching the abyss? what's this deep sea diving nonsense, i thought i was watching leo decaprio drown for 3 hours
0:03 i love bill paxton, even when he has to intone terrible lines like SEEING HER COME OUT OF THE DARKNESS LIKE A GHOST SHIP and then he helpfully tells us the date the ship sunk. oh good the beardo just told him he's fulla shit, so maybe that line was corny on purpose.
0:09 haha geraldo
0:12 i can't wait til old ladys swearing isn't considered comic relief all on its own
0:18 beardo is a toolbag, i don't like him
0:20 okay finally, here we go in the past.
0:21 HAHA WHAT WHY ARE THEY BRINGING A FREAKING CAR ON THE BOAT
0:27 this is making me want to be obscenely rich. OH HEY a picasso joke. it's funny because they're in the past!
0:30 this soundtrack is like sub-enya.
0:31 I'M THE KING OF THE WORRRRRRRRRLD
0:32 that is a big fuckin boat
0:35 oh look, plot is happening!
0:36 this narration is godawful
0:44 billy zane, you are a bad fiance
0:47 what is her accent supposed to be?
0:49 okay i lolled
0:59 that is a lot of damn silverware. i think i learned how to use all that in home ec or something?
1:01 that was a fine speech there, jack!
1:05 the moral of the story: poor people are way better than rich people. thx cameron
1:06 OW FUCK i just tried to do the toes trick and hurt my foot
1:30 soo are they planning to hide for the rest of the voyage or what? i suspect richy rich could just have jack shot and tossed overboard without much fuss
1:34 finally the iceberg!
1:53 BA ZING! YOU TELLL HIM, ROSE!
2:10 were we supposed to care about this chump? he was a prat the whole movie, i don't need a closeup on him sweating now
2:13 YOU GODDAMN IDIOT GET BACK ON THAT BOAT RIGHT NOW
2:14 hahahahahaha i was wondering how they were going to fill the last hour. action movie! gun fight! now let's see some car chases while we're at it!
2:21 okay THAT was unexpected. peace out, asshole sub-captain guy
2:22 DOES BILLY ZANE GET TO LIVE? FUCK THAT NOISE, I DEMAND HE DROWN NOW
2:23 we are prepared to die as we lived: rich idiots!
2:27 you know, it says something about this movie that i have no idea right now where the main characters went.
2:30 oh no, the italian guy with no other defining characteristics!
2:33 that looks so fun! except for the whole death part!
2:36 that no longer looks fun. it's a goddamn human pinball machine
2:39 swim to where?? the iceberg?!
2:50 okay i won't lie, i'm a lil choked up here
2:57 now what was the point of that?
2:59 okay now i'm choked up a lot stfu
3:00 okay celine dion, i'll allow this.